Port is in

I had my power port placed on Thursday. It was more painful than I had expected. Supposedly because I am young (relatively), my connective tissue in my chest is a bit tough so the port was difficult to insert. The port is a device that is used so that my veins dont get punctured (too much) and potentially harmed from the chemo treatments I will be getting every three weeks. It is placed below my collar bone and one end goes right into my jugular vein. that part was the most uncomfortable. Feeling something in your jugular vein gives the weirdest tightening sensation in my neck. The good part is it is completely below my skin so is not visible at all.

My first chemo is Friday this week. I am not too nervous. A friend is going with me. The first time it is important to have someone along just to see how I will react to the chemicals put into me. Plus the 40 mile drive back home will be alot better if I am not alone.

Not much else going on except I go back to work this week. Supposedly, the hardest part of this whole process is keeping a job while going through chemo. I hope I can do it because this job's health insurance is top notch and I am not sure what I would do w/o it.

I am thinking of getting a short, short hair cut. Trying to decide if I should do it before the first chemo or not. We will see. I haven't had short hair since I was about 16 to 20 years old.. the 80's.

Chemo getting closer

Chemo will start April 6th. I wish it were sooner. I just want to get started. I still have more tests and Doctor's appointments and that is why the first chemo isn't sooner. Bone scans, chest scans, all sorts of tests still ahead, plus a port. A port is something available to me to allow the chemo to be more easily entered into my body. Since my lymph removal was on my right side, it is no longer a good idea to get any injections in the right arm. So my left arm is now where blood is taken and injections given. My left arm just isn't as good of a vein place as my right arm is , so considering my chemo will be about a year, I am choosing the port. It is supposed to make the chemo a little easier, no need to find my vein every time and all of that.

In my non-cancer world things are just ok. I am still off from work, and got my first paycheck w/o the SDI in it. it was about 40 percent of my regular pay. Hopefully the disability check will come soon. I don't want to get too far behind in pay. I am fortunate to not live paycheck to paycheck, but not getting 60% of my check is disconcerting.
Also got an email from G today. He flew for the first time in 18 years. When we were together in college he developed a healthy fear of flying. We never went anywhere exciting due to this. All of our vacations involved driving. I am so proud that he overcame this. I wish I had been with him. I wish that every day. I just can't seem to get past that part though, just the wishing. I had a realization the other day, that I may never be able to forgive myself for leaving him. Even if he wanted to get back together I wonder if I could get past my guilt and let us be happy again. I know I need to get past this especially now with my health a concern. I truly believe that our mental health affects our physical health in more ways than we know. I don't get sad about my cancer or cry about it, but I cry almost every day for the loss of my marriage and the people I no longer have in my life because of that loss. I just hope I can stay positive about the cancer when I am so down about my loss of G.

Post Surgery

Well, it has now been almost 3 weeks since my mastectomy. Two lymph nodes tested positive for cancer. That means all of the lymph nodes under my right arm were removed. I am planning on getting my drain removed today. Once the drain only has 30mls in a 24 hour period the drain can come out. This weekend it dropped below 30 and so I am going in to get it out. It will be nice to take a full shower again. Now I can really focus on getting my arm movement fully back as well.
A friend and her father are travelling to New Zealand to go on a 5 week bike tour.
http://bikingkiwiland.blogspot.com/

I went to school with Adria and she was in my brother's class in high school. Her dad was principal for a while at one of the schools. I hope they have the best time. I love seeing people who do something rather than just dream or talk about it.